First off, I love my wife very much.  She is a wonderful person.  I cannot imagine not sharing my life with her.

 

That being said, I think she is going to make me explode.  Permit me to explain.

 

As most are aware, a recent encouter with a tree left our house needing some repairs.  The repairs started a few weeks ago.  My wife figured, since the house is a mess anyway, we should do some of our planned home improvement projects at this time.  Made perfect sense to me.

 

Now, it's important to emphasize that I am no Bob Villa.  Never have been.....never will be.  I can take on the simpler tasks like painting, repairing walls, some of the easier wiring tasks.....but I do know my limitations.  However, the bulk of these jobs involved repairing some of our plaster walls, and repainting.  Not a big deal, right.

 

Oh, but wait a minute professor.  Before we can paint, we must pick out the new colors.  Gotcha.  For, you see, yours truly is color blind.  If you had seen how I dressed when I was single, you would know how color blind I am.  Fortunately, my wife has helped ensure that my work clothes match up nicely.  I have always thought that an adult version of Garanimals (elephant shirt with elephant pants) would be a huge hit.

 

Anyway, as I got home from work the other day, I hear, "Bill.  Come to the dining room.  It's important."  Upon walking into the dining room, I see about 50 sample paint squares scattered on the table.  Uh oh. 

 

Here's the conversation:

 

Mrs: Which color do you like for the basement stairway?

Me: I don't care.  It's the basement stairway.  (btw, "I don't care is a BAD answer)

Mrs: Oh come on.  Do you like this (pointing at one in the middle) or this (pointing at one next to it)?

Me: Aren't they the same color? 

Mrs: ??!!!!! No!!  This one has more gray in it.

Me: I really don't care (again, bad answer)

Mrs: Come on.  I need your help deciding.

Me:  OK....this one (pointing at the one nearest me)

Mrs: That one is hideous. (and throws it away)

Me: You know, they all look the same to me....and I really don't care.

Mrs: How about green???  Like this one.

Me: That one looks blue to me....but it's fine.

Mrs: Ugh.  Fine.  We will paint it orange.

Me: I like orange

Mrs: I was kidding.

Me: I am going upstairs to change.  Pick whatever you want.  And I really don't want to look at any more colors.

Mrs: Then you probably shouldn't go in our room (at this time she has a very sinister smile)

 

I walk into the room and see another 20 color squares taped to the woodwork...and 6 more on the comforter.

 

Me: What is all this????

Mrs: I am trying to find a color that goes with the woodwork and the blanket

Me:  I think black goes.  I really don't want to do this any more

Mrs: How about this dark green?? (completely ignoring me)

Me: That one is breathtaking. Let's us it.

Mrs: You know, for once I would like you to take something seriously

Me: Please...I am begging you....no more colors.  Any color you like is fine with me.  ANY.

Mrs: Maybe red or pink

Me: You know.  Most of the time I am in here I am sleeping...and it is dark.  Maybe black would be cool.

Mrs: I am going downstairs.

 

Yes, Mrs. shows a lot of patience with me.....