1. I could use my undies as tp, then leave them in the trash.  Decided that wouldn't work.  I was wearing shorts that day, and I didn't think going free was a good idea.
2. I could use the empty cardboard roll.  In a MacGyverish moment, I decided to try and unroll the cardboard roll and use it.  Sure, it would be abrasive....but the pioneers did it this way, didn't they?  After unrolling the spool a little I decided this would not be ample material for a cleaning. 
3. If I could find one sqare, I could use a survivalist technique shared with me by a coworker.  This involves the piercing of the single square with your finger, and the aggressive use of that finger for clean-up, using the surrounding square for disaster recovery afterwards.  I decided I would use this option only if the store was on fire.....a big fire.

Finally, after all others in the restroom had cleared out, I decided to make one last trip out to see if I had missed any options outside of the stall.  Up came the shorts...and out I waddled.  At this point, my feet were falling asleep, so walking/waddling was even more difficult. 

Sure enough, I dug through the trash can far enough to find some paper.  Some of it was hamburger wrappers....why they were in there I didn't want to know.  Back I went into my fortress of solitude....and cleanup ensued.

After spending a solid 5 minutes washing my hands up to my elbows, I stormed up to the counter and informed them that the men's restroom was in need of some attention.

To this day, even in my most dire moments, I always check to make sure there are squares to spare.  Take it from a survivor, it only takes a couple seconds....but it is well worth it.