• "That is the worst drawing in the class.  Look at your classmates' drawings.  That is what I wanted." - My first grade teacher talking about a picture I drew.  Fortunately, my Mom said it was great, and hung it in our living room.
• "Perhaps the principal will think you are funny" - My 3rd grade teacher upon hearing my paper-ripping imitation when handed an English test.  It was the 4th time that week I did it....and neither the principal nor my parents were amused.
• "We thought we were going to lose you around 9th grade" - My Mom at my high school graduation party.
• "Son, one day you have to start taking life seriously" - Army Recruiter, 1980
• "According to your PSAT numbers, you are likely to be happy with a career in forestry.  Of course, you can't make money doing that....and you want to make money" - My high school guidance counselor, 1981.
• "Is everyone in your family like you?" - College friend, 10 minutes after meeting me
• "You should consider a career in history.  You seem very good at remembering extremely meaningless facts." - History professor - Sophomore year
• "You remind me of Kermit the Frog" - Girl I was trying to impress, Junior year in college.
• "I really dislike Kermit the Frog" - Same girl, one sentence later.
• "Holy cow, people typically don't talk to second line management like that" - My first team leader at my job, 1986 (where I am still working)
• "My sister said you were different...just not this different.  But you are sort of funny" - Future Mrs. WHW, 1986
• "I have visited Mars.  At night, I leave my body and travel the solar system." - Someone I met at the laundry mat. 1986
• "Hey buddy!  Drive American" - Guy in a parking lot, as I drove away in my Dodge Colt 1987
• "Your career has gone about as far as it can go" - boss, 1990
• "If I had a son like you, I would change my last name" - Someone I met at a party, 1995
• "Dang, you are a loose cannon.  Do you ever think before you talk?" - coworker, 1997
• "You have an interesting reputation" - a new boss, 1999
• "You want to know what really happened to John F. Kennedy?" - someone I met at the mall, 2000
• "Grown, mature men do not eat Pez candy and put a rubber chicken on their desk" - coworker, 2001
• "Why is it that everyone else goes along with these procedures, but you have to fight them?" - boss, 2002
• "I have practiced self-hypnosis since I was in high school.  I would put myself in a trance whenever we would go on a long family trip." - coworker, 2003
• "Your poor wife, she has 6 kids" - Neighbor, 2004
• "She said, if you show up at the visitation, she will have you thrown out of the funeral home" - message from a cousin about another relative's thoughts on me attending someone's visitation.  Needless to say, we don't care much for each other.  I did attend, and no one threw me out.  Still think it would have been cool to be kicked out of a funeral home.
• "You won't believe how swollen my prostate is" - coworker, 2005
• "One of these days you are going to wish you hadn't argued so much about things." - adversary, 2006
• "You remind me of Jim Cantore" - Walmart checker, 2006

And the two most wonderful quotes:

• "It's a healthy baby boy" - Doctor (occurred 5 different times!)
• "I do" - Mrs WHW, 1988