OK people, sit down and shut your pie holes.  Sal, the squirrel is grabbing the mike. 

 

Let me start off by making a few things perfectly clear.  I am a squirrel,  I am quite hyper, I have a potty mouth, and I am P.O.'ed at just about everybody and everything in my field of vision.  If you are wondering why I am P.O.'ed, be freakin patient!  You should be able to figure it out by reading this posting.  Jeesh, you are getting on my last nerve already.

 

I live in the tall Sweet Gum tree next to WHW and his "litter".  The boy makes the local rabbits blush.  Anyway, I occupy the penthouse nest in the sweet gum.  And believe me, a squirrel has to have some pretty serious nuts to get that spot.  I think we all know what I mean.  Swing, baby.

 

WHW has asked me to check in every now and then and give you some animal perspective from high atop a tree.  Guess what.....you are going to get that, and a whole heck of  a lot more. 

 

As I was strolling over to WHW's house to write this masterpiece, something struck me.  No, not a brilliant idea for today's topic.  It was a freakin soccer ball kicked by one of knucklehead's rugrats.  Those little farts seem to get their kicks by launching an overinflated #5 soccer ball toward my bachelor pad.  What the ^%$# gives?  I can still scare the little ones when I sprint out of the nest and tear into a series of Sal's kick ass barks.  So help me, one of these days I will get even with all of them by chewing through WHW's tv cable line.  Then I'll sit back and watch them suffer. 

 

Anyway, my topic for today is about the complete disrespect squirrels get in zoology books.  You see, for some reason, squirrels are typically not viewed as one of nature's brightest, most respected creatures.  What a load of horse manure!  Oh, the mighty dolphin is almost as smart as a person.  Or the incredible cheetah is amazingly quick and agile.  Give me a ^%$# break.  Anyone care to show me a dolphin or a cheetah that can jump from a roof 20 feet in the air to a tree branch 3" wide, carrying a mouth full of acorns, then perform a balancing act up another 10 feet without dropping a single nut?  No?  I didn't think so. 

 

I am demanding a full investigation into this outrageous travesty of justice.  For typical readers of this blog, I just said I want to know who is sticking it to us squirrels.  Put the freakin field mouse or my knuckle-dragging friend the beaver in the category of cute and stupid.  Elevate squirrels to their proper category as fierce aggressors, pillagers, acrobats, and uncanny intellects.  I am on this 7x24.  For you slack-jaws, that's 7 days a week, 24 hours a day....not 7 hours a day, 24 days a year. 

 

Oh well, I think I have had enough "fun" for one night.  I am headed back to my pad to chill out for a while. 

 

If I offended you with this posting, stuff it.  If I didn't offend you, stuff this one and the next one I do. 

 

'til then.....keeping it real with Sal.  I'm out.